Understanding Eating Disorders
Eating disorders are characterized by a strained relationship with food, body weight, body image, or exercise that impair day-to-day functioning and interpersonal relationships. Eating disorders can also potentially lead to life-threatening complications if symptoms are severe and left untreated. Eating disorders do not go away when unaddressed and can prevent someone from living a quality, peaceful life. However, individuals can struggle to recognize the severity of their eating disorder, as the “eating disorder voice” can oftentimes be very loud and persistent. Oftentimes family and friends are the first to notice the behaviors of their loved one, and the impact the eating disorder is having on their physical and emotional health.
For reference, The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) categorizes eating disorders into the following groups:
- Anorexia Nervosa
- Bulimia Nervosa
- Binge Eating Disorder
- Other Specified Feeding or Eating Disorders (OSFED)
- Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARIFD)
- Pica
- Rumination Disorder
Read more about the exact diagnostic criteria and subtypes for each disorder here. A thorough assessment should be conducted by a licensed professional who specializes in eating disorders to determine a diagnosis.
Once you know or believe your loved one is dealing with an eating disorder, bringing up the topic can feel scary and overwhelming. Oftentimes, family and friends are met with denial, anger, hostility, or defensiveness when they confront their loved one’s eating disorder. This is a normal reaction to a difficult conversation, and there are ways to reduce the likelihood that your loved one will respond in this manner. We’ve compiled the below recommendations of effective ways to talk to your loved one about their eating disorder that will preserve the relationship.
Show your loved one your concern without any judgment.
Someone with an eating disorder already feels a great deal of shame about their behaviors, so it’s important to choose language that is empathetic. Do not blame them for their behaviors or make them feel guilty for engaging in them. This can potentially push them away and closer to their eating disorder. Rather, use “I” statements to share your observations, while expressing your concern for their health and well-being. An example can sound like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been skipping dinner lately and I’m worried about your health. If there is anything you want to talk about, I’m here for you.” This opens the door for communication and emphasizes your loved one’s autonomy to share when they feel ready.
Educate yourself on eating disorders and the ways in which they can develop.
Eating disorders are influenced by genetic, biological, psychological, and environmental factors, including family history, bullying, stress, trauma, food insecurity, etc. There is no single cause of an eating disorder. Knowing this can help you better empathize with your loved one that they are using their eating disorder behaviors as a means of coping, control, emotional relief, etc. Familiarize yourself with the books, articles, and educational videos online to learn more about the signs and symptoms of eating disorders, as well as the facts and myths about them. Here you will find a great list of resources.
Keep boundaries firm.
While we want to be empathetic and validate the struggles of our loved one with an eating disorder, we also need to hold firm in our boundaries to preserve our own mental health. Recovery and treatment are an individual choice, and we cannot force our loved one to be ready for something they do not want. To note, boundaries may look different for parents of an adolescent, as parents should make medically appropriate treatment decisions for their child. Regardless, any loved one should have their own support network and coping skills to prevent enmeshment and burnout. Read more about boundaries here.
Encourage your loved one to seek professional support.
As mentioned previously, encourage your loved one to seek professional help from a licensed clinician, dietitian, or doctor in a judgment-free way. An example might sound like, “There are so many options available for support and I think you would really benefit from talking to someone.” Refrain from using language of “you should” or “you need” or “you have to,” as that will only demotivate and trigger your loved one.
Recovery from an eating disorder is not an overnight process. We hope the above tools are helpful in navigating your loved one’s eating disorder as a support person. Here are further resources to learn more or figure out next steps. If either you or the individual struggling with an eating disorder is interested in therapy, please contact the Counseling Center Group to get you set up with a licensed clinician. We want to provide support during this difficult time, and get you and your loved one back to a fulfilled, healthy life.
About The Author:
Stephanie DeSantis, LMSW
Stephanie works with adults and adolescents struggling with anxiety, depression, eating disorders, self-esteem, and trauma. Stephanie aims to provide a safe and comfortable space for clients to navigate difficult emotions, ...
