As we inaugurated our 47th president, I noticed lots of questions in my office-
What’s going to happen? Why does X hate Y? How do we live our lives while it seems like everything is changing? Am I safe?
Whether your child struggles with anxiety or depression, has a developmental or learning disability, sees a therapist regularly, or just picks up on what adults are saying, we can find ways to support them through these questions and more. Here are some things to remember when your child brings up questions about the 2024 election, the 2025 inauguration, or the political landscape in the US for the future:
1. Normalize that it is ok to feel unsure or afraid
Children are not the only ones who are experiencing anxiety and uncertainty right now- we adults are usually feeling the same things. The difference is that we are in caretaker roles and are therefore the recipient of our children’s questions. They want to know that they are safe, and that their feelings are valid. Share with your child that you also sometimes feel anxious, scared, or uncertain, and share with them how you get through it. Let children know that you are there for them to work through their feelings too.
2. Validate that this is not normal
Humans have evolved to expect a certain order of things, and it feels inherently wrong to have rights taken away and progress to go backwards- we expect the opposite to happen. A lot of big feelings we are seeing right now are normal reactions to abnormal events. Let your kids know that their feelings make sense given what is happening around them.
3. Check the facts
Lots of things have been said so far, and some of them feel definitive and extreme. However, not all of them are going to translate into action. Talk with your child about what is realistic and what certain things mean- for example, an executive order cannot overturn the US Constitution and saying that someone’s gender is not real does not make it that way.
4. Focus on what is within your control
One of my favorite quotes during times of stress is from Mr. Rogers: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” This can remind us of what we can do, rather than what we can’t. We can continue to be kind. We can continue to respect people from other backgrounds and identities. If there is a specific example of a group or person that your child is worried about, brainstorm ways that the two of you together can help them.
5. Don't be afraid to talk about it
Let your children know that their fear doesn’t need to be bottled up. Sharing and processing the situation together can strengthen your relationship and help with resilience in both you and your child, and lets them know that their feelings matter.
6. Don't normalize hate
Though the news and media are inundated with hateful propaganda right now, make sure your children know that that’s exactly what it is- propaganda. The purpose of hateful speech is to divide us and make us act to protect our loved ones. In fact, most people on the “other” side- whichever side that may be- have voted to keep their families safe from threats. Some of those threats may have been imagined, displaced, or untrue, but at the core of the problem most people are motivated by love rather than hate. We can continue to be kind to others, even if they don’t share our viewpoints, because kindness does not mean agreement.
7. Remember that you are a person with feelings, too
When you’re on an airplane, you’re always told to put your oxygen mask on yourself before helping others. This may seem counterintuitive- of course my first instinct is to protect my child from harm! But if you pass out from lack of oxygen, you won’t be able to help them either. The same is true for times of great stress. Make sure that you, the adult, are doing what you need to do- talk to your friends, talk to a therapist or therapy group, get enough sleep, turn off your push notifications for a weekend. If you are falling apart from stress, not only will your child worry about you, but they won’t have you to protect them.
8. Meet them where they are at
Each child brings a different set of qualities and strengths to the table, and is able to process the present and future in different ways. Remember not to force your child to view or talk about things a certain way or talk. If your child struggles with anxiety of the unknown, and does not seem interested in talking about politics, don’t force them. If your child wants to know more about gender identity and what it means, sit with them and research the subject together. There is no right or wrong way to process changes in our world, so take cues from your child about when and how is the right time to broach certain topics.
There is no easy way through or predictable way through the next several years. We are encountering some things that certainly feel familiar, and some that feel new, but we are all going to do our best to make it through together. Our clinicians at CCG are prepared to help everyone- children, teens, caretakers, entire families- that may need it. Please reach out to us at 888-609-3046 or [email protected] for more information or to schedule a consultation to find a therapist that feels good to you.
References:
Goodreads. (n.d.). Fred Rogers quotes (author of the world according to mister Rogers). Goodreads. https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/32106.Fred_Rogers
About the Author
Brooke Shafer, LCPC/LPC
Winner of the Best of Bethesda in Child and Adolescent Counseling for 2024 Brooke has previously worked in Elementary and Middle Schools and in mental health crisis situations, specializing in ...
