Ah yes—the dreaded potty talk!
Have you ever been in the middle of a sentence, only to be interrupted by your child yelling “Poop!” seemingly out of nowhere? Or been in the grocery store and turned around just in time to hear your child shout a stream of bathroom-themed profanity? If you’re a parent of a young one (ages 3–7), know that you are not alone.
What is potty talk?
“Potty talk” is a common term for the language kids use around body part awareness and bodily functions. It typically shows up in toddlerhood through early childhood and can become a highly repetitive behavior. It often happens outside of appropriate or expected settings. While it can be frustrating, uncomfortable, or even distressing for parents, know this: potty talk is something that can be reduced (and even extinguished) when parents are equipped with the right tools.
Why does it start?
This kind of language often begins for a few developmentally typical reasons:
- Body awareness and language development – Around this age, kids become more curious about their bodies and start learning new words that feel exciting—or even forbidden.
- Understanding attention and reactions – Young kids are starting to realize which words get big reactions. Often, they find this entertaining or powerful.Whether the reaction is positive or negative, to them it still counts as attention.
- Humor – To them, these words are really funny! And when reinforced by laughter or attention (positive or negative), it can quickly become a habit.
One strategy I often recommend is a DBT-informed technique called Selective Ignoring.
This means intentionally withholding attention (including correction, laughter, or visible annoyance) when the behavior is attention-seeking and not harmful. With potty talk, this might look like briefly disengaging when the language shows up—no eye contact, turning away, no reaction—and then calmly re-engaging once the behavior passes.
Here are a few key points to keep in mind with Selective Ignoring:
- It often gets worse before it gets better. This is called an extinction burst, where the child tests whether the old reaction will return. It’s important to hold strong during this period so the limits are clear.
- Consistency is key. Everyone in the household needs to be on the same page. If your child continues to get a reaction from just one adult, they may continue trying the behavior with others for the same result.
- If the behavior starts shifting into something more inappropriate or hurtful, you can calmly reintroduce limits in a neutral tone and consider seeking professional help.
Another technique is saying, “Potty talk belongs in the bathroom.”
Then, if your child wants to use those words, you can let them go into the bathroom to say them. This sets a clear boundary without shaming their curiosity or need to express themselves. Some parents also pair this with a simple follow-up like hand-washing if the words are used outside of the bathroom—not as a punishment, but as a way to reinforce the boundary.
When to seek outside help
If the potty talk behavior escalates to harmful language or involves inappropriate bodily actions, it’s wise to consult a professional to better understand what’s behind the behavior. Selective ignoring is not recommended when the behavior becomes harmful. It’s also important to notice how your child is speaking—if the language seems out of their control or is causing them distress, consider talking to a trained therapist or your child’s pediatrician for further support.
Potty talk is a typical, frustrating, part of early childhood.
It’s often a way for children to get attention from adults and peers. With strategies like Selective Ignoring or setting a designated potty talk space (like the bathroom), this behavior can decrease over time. If it doesn’t improve or if you’re noticing signs of distress or harmful behavior, please reach out to a professional for support—The Counseling Center Group is here to help.
Sources:
Linehan, M. M. (2014). DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press
Holecko, C. (n.d.). Why preschoolers love potty talk. Highlights for Children. https://parents.highlights.com/why-preschoolers-love-potty-talk
About the Author
Caroline Green, LGPC
Caroline is a seasoned therapist with extensive experience supporting children, adolescents, and families through their unique challenges. She specializes in treating symptoms related to anxiety, depression, and burnout, helping clients ...
