Finding the right balance between supporting a loved one with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and unintentionally reinforcing their compulsions can be overwhelming. You may feel like you’re constantly unsure if what you’re doing is helping or making things worse. Understanding what accommodation is and how to gradually reduce it can be an important step toward helping manage OCD more effectively.
What does Family Accommodation Look Like?
Family accommodation refers to any changes in behavior that family members make to lessen the distress caused by a loved one’s OCD. It can be extremely hard to watch your loved one go through long periods of distress. These actions may seem helpful at the moment but often reinforce the cycle of compulsions.
It’s important to know that if you are accommodating, you are not alone. Research shows that 90% of families engage in some form of accommodation. You cannot be blamed for not knowing how to handle OCD-related distress—it’s a learning process. That’s why we are here for you, to provide information and guidance so that you can make informed choices moving forward.
Common examples of family accommodation include:
- Offering repeated reassurance (e.g., constantly confirming that everything is “okay” or not going to happen)
- Participating in rituals (e.g., checking locks multiple times together or buying extra household items to help individuals engage in cleaning)
- Avoiding certain topics, places, or objects to prevent anxiety triggers
- Completing tasks to reduce distress (e.g., arranging objects a specific way)
- Making lifestyle changes: Altering routines to accommodate rituals, such as arriving late to events because of excessive handwashing.
Why Do Families Accommodate?
Families accommodate OCD symptoms for a variety of reasons, including:
- Wanting to ease discomfort – It’s difficult to watch a loved one struggle and feel anxious at any moment, and accommodation can feel like a way to help in the short term.
- Avoiding conflict – Saying “no” to a compulsion may lead to frustration, anger, or meltdowns which may cause more stress in the moment.
- Feeling responsible – Parents, partners, or friends may believe that preventing distress is part of their role.
- Not realizing the impact – Many people do not understand how accommodation strengthens OCD over time and gives it more power.
Understanding the Consequences of Accommodation
Although accommodating may reduce stress in the short term, it often has unintended negative effects, such as:
- Reinforcing OCD symptoms – The more compulsions are accommodated, the stronger they become.
- Increased family stress – Over time, accommodating can become overwhelming and exhausting.
- Interference with treatment – Accommodation can make therapy, especially Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), less effective.
- Strained relationships – Family members may begin to feel resentment, frustration, or burnout.
Reducing Accommodation
Reducing accommodation takes time, patience, and a structured approach. Here are some ways to start:
- Recognize Accommodation Behaviors – Begin by identifying situations where accommodation occurs in your daily life.
- Open Communication – Have a supportive conversation with your loved one about the importance of reducing accommodation. Next, come up with a plan as a family to know the expectation when asking for any type of accomodation. This will decrease the anger you feel towards others who are trying to help you.
- Gradual Reduction – Instead of stopping all accommodating behaviors at once, decrease them step by step. Start with the most interfering behaviors.
- Encourage Independence – Shift responses from providing reassurance to prompting problem-solving (e.g., “What do you think?” “What type of compulsion is this”, instead of “Yes, you’re fine”).
- Seek Professional Support – Working with a therapist trained in ERP can help guide the process effectively. You can find more resources on our website.
- Practice Self-Care – Supporting someone with OCD can be stressful, so it’s essential to prioritize your own well-being as well.
Take your First Steps Today
While family accommodation comes from a place of love and support, it can ultimately make OCD symptoms worse. By learning how to gradually step back from these behaviors, families can create an environment that promotes resilience and independence. Change can be difficult, the Counseling Center Group is here to guide you and support you.
About the Author
Chelsea Klaiman, LMHC
Affiliated provider Chelsea Klaiman is an empathetic and devoted Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) based in Miami, Florida. She is committed to providing a safe space for her clients to ...
