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The Counseling center group

What We Treat

Relational Issues

We are only as needy as our unmet needs

We are human and built to connect to others. Yet so many of us feel unconnected and lonely, struggle with lack of intimate relationships or feel unfulfilled with the relationships we have. Relationships may include our intimate partner (or wish to have one), our friendships, and all of the other relationships we may have with family, colleagues, and in the community. 

At the Counseling Center Group we are committed to being more than a sounding board that validates these feelings. We are here to navigate, with you, through new ways of building the relationships you most want. We have specific, effective tools to help you with a variety of challenges. We will begin by looking at your ideal relationships, your current situation and your past, with particular attention to noticing patterns. Often we find that the quality of our relationships can be greatly enhanced by the way in which we choose who is in our inner circle.

Where to begin

It is very common to find that we purposefully AND UNCONSCIOUSLY, (therefore we don’t realize we are doing this) choose the very people that match exactly where we are in our own process. One of the ways in which we can explore this further is by understanding our attachment style as well as that of those we choose. As we explore these we will work with you, using concrete and effective tools towards both having and attracting a secure attachment style.

Anxious Attachment Style

Individuals with an Anxious Attachment Style may often choose partners or friends that don’t fully commit to the relationship. They tend to give a lot, and find themselves taking crumbs, all while trying to hold on to the potential of the person and the memories of when they did give more. They may worry frequently when communication slows down, or when not with their partner. And immediately feel relief when they are together. They deeply fear abandonment and rejection. When relationships end, they may hold onto that relationship for months, even years before being able to move on. In these periods it feels like that person was the “only one”. Some of the things that you may have done (or wanted to do but held yourself back): waiting for a text or phone call; calling/ texting many times; going to places in hope you will “run into” someone; withdrawing from your partner in hopes they will pay more attention to you; keeping track of how long it takes to call you or noticing how many times each of you initiate contact; or acting busy / saying you have plans (when you don’t) in hopes it will increase their interest.

Avoidant Attachment Style

Those with an Avoidant Attachment Style tend to have difficulty committing to relationships. They may be very engaged and excited with a relationship in the very beginning and then quickly begin to start focusing on all of the flaws that their partner has. They tend to keep distance between themselves and their partner and flee or shut down when in conflict. Some tendencies may include: saying (or thinking) you are not ready to commit, yet staying in a relationship with “one foot in and one foot out”; focusing on small imperfections in your partner (and allowing it to get in the way of your relationship); feelings of repulsion toward your partner at times; being open to / or actually dating other people; frequently pulling away when in a relationship.

Disorganized Attachment Style

Someone with a Disorganized Attachment Style experiences both a desire for and fear of a relationship. They exhibit the tendencies of both the anxious attachment style and the avoidant attachment styles when they are activated. They have lower levels of intimacy and involvement in relationships; they may pursue emotionless sex and have a higher prevelance of sexual addiction; they have a lower level of self-confidence and self-disclosure.

Secure Attachment Style

When someone has a Secure Attachment Style they are able to fully love and be loved. They want relationships and closeness but also appreciate a healthy amount of alone time and autonomy. They do not have an overwhelming fear of abandonment, are able to compromise, and do not worry about being over controlled. They can trust fairly easily and are in tune with their own emotions and those of their partner. They are able to communicate directly when they are upset and are flexible in relationships.

Loneliness

At the Counseling Center Group, we believe that loneliness is the biggest epidemic we face at this time.

“The human brain, having evolved to seek safety in numbers, registers loneliness as a threat. The centers that monitor for danger, including the amygdala, go into overdrive, triggering a release of ‘fight or flight’ stress hormones. Your heart rate rises, your blood pressure and blood sugar level increase to provide energy in case you need it. Your body produces extra inflammatory cells to repair tissue damage and prevent infection, and fewer antibodies to fight viruses. Subconsciously, you start to view other people more as potential threats — sources of rejection or apathy — and less as friends, remedies for your loneliness.” – (John Leland, NY Times 2022)

It is important to first decipher between loneliness and being alone. Loneliness is a subjective, painful and unwelcome feeling of lack of companionship. One can feel lonely whether or not they are alone. Loneliness reflects a feeling around the desired versus the actual quantity and quality of our social relationships. 

In a world in which we are more “connected” than ever, we actually feel more separate and disconnected. This makes sense, given the values and transient nature of our society. Fortunately, there are practical and tangible ways to create the very connection we most desire. Together we will navigate with you a plan to build the connections you most desire! 

We Can Help.

If you or a loved one are struggling with some of the above challenges related to Relational Issues, we are here to help.
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