Does this sound familiar?
You’re having an argument with your partner. You’re feeling hurt and angry, your heart starts pounding, and you start sweating. The conversation escalates and turns to yelling. You’re seeing red, and you’re no longer in control.
Or perhaps you make a big mistake at work, and your boss puts an unexpected meeting on your calendar to discuss it. While your boss is communicating negative feedback, you get nauseous and sweaty. You feel like you are miles away and can no longer hear or make sense of what they are saying.
If something like this has happened to you before, it is likely that you have experienced psychological flooding.
What is psychological flooding?
Psychological flooding is a state that occurs when we are overwhelmed by emotions, making it difficult to think or act. Flooding is a natural response to intense stress, strong stimuli, and traumatic events. When we experience psychological flooding, our prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that controls rational, higher-level thought, shuts down to prepare us for battle or flight. When we are flooded, we are unable to engage, communicate, or make decisions in a thoughtful and effective way. We may end up saying things we will later regret, we may run away, or we may become silent and unresponsive. These responses usually make things worse.
What are the signs?
Some common signs of psychological flooding include rapid heart rate, shakiness, crying, inability to think straight, difficulty controlling tone of voice, sweating, nausea, and headache. You may experience some of these signs and not others.
Why should I know about flooding?
When we know what psychological flooding is, we can increase our awareness of the situations and topics that lead to us feeling flooded and plan accordingly around those triggers. For example, if talking about money with your partner frequently leads to flooding, you can decide on a designated time to discuss money and discuss some ground rules for the conversation ahead of time. If going to the grocery store after a long day of work leads to flooding, you can reschedule your shopping for a time you are well-rested or consider scheduling a grocery pickup to avoid going into the store.
What can I do when I’m flooded?
Once you recognize the signs of flooding, it is important that you have some skills in your toolbox to help yourself return to a regulated and grounded state. Consider keeping a list of strategies on your phone or in a place you can easily access when you’re feeling flooded. Try practicing some of the following skills and determine which feel most helpful for you.
Taking a break
When you notice that you are flooded, it is important to take a break from the situation. Research shows that it takes at least 20 minutes to bring your heart rate and blood pressure back to normal. During the break, do something distracting or uplifting; if you continue to ruminate on the situation, it will be more difficult to get regulated. Going for a walk, listening to your favorite music, reading a book, or watching an episode of your favorite TV show can all help.
Choosing to take a break is not the same as running away or stonewalling. It is important to return to the conversation once you feel calm- no less than 20 minutes, and no more than 24 hours. At a time when you are not activated, try creating a plan for taking these breaks with your partner. Maybe you come up with a code word or movement to signal that a break is needed during an argument, as well as a process for coming back together to continue the conversation.
Self-regulation
Mindfulness and grounding exercises are great tools to move out of a flooded state. Try deep breathing exercises, like box breathing or alternate-nostril breathing. A sensory exercise, like the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, can help refocus your mind and ground you in the present moment; other useful sensory interventions include splashing your face with cold water, sipping on a warm beverage, or smelling a scent that you like, such as an essential oil blend. Moving your body can help connect you back to yourself when you’re flooded, whether it is walking, stretching, yoga, dance, or another form of exercise that you enjoy. Putting on some soothing music and taking a rest in a cool, dark room may also be helpful.
Co-regulation
When we experience stress, being around others who are calm and grounded can help us lower our stress level. Hugging a friend or loved one, cuddling with a partner, or spending time with a beloved pet or animal can help restore us to a regulated state.
Further Resources
About the Author
Summer Drum, RC
Summer Drum is a Resident in Counseling in Virginia. Summer works with clients experiencing a wide range of issues, including anxiety, depression, identity struggles, sexuality concerns, difficult life transitions, relationship ...
